The First Cut...
You know the song with the chorus, "the first cut is the deepest?" It's quite catchy. If you don't know it, look up the lyrics or listen to the song on iTunes or youtube. (Pause reading this for a moment and go look it up now!)
Sheryl Crow sang it, but it was written by a gal named Cat Stevens. I used to hear this song on the radio a lot. It was released the year before I got married. I'm sure Ms. Crow and Ms. Stevens had both been through this sort of "cut" which is why they could write and sing about it.
For me, I didn't think much about the lyrics at the time. I mean, who really wants to think about being "cut" and even moreso, who wants to be cut "the deepest?" Umm. No one.
But I really enjoyed the beat and melody and the rhythm and rhyme to the song so I would belt it out when it came on in my car.
I knew nothing about what they were singing. Maybe I thought I did because I had dated some really wonderful guys but I was selfish and self-absorbed and that didn't make for good relationships.
God has been faithful and good to me and has taught my heart some important lessons through the years and now I can say with great clarity and conviction that this song resonates with me.
So, I guess this is what my first "snippet" entry is about. That first cut. And what happens when you want to "try to love again" and that's not what the other person desires? Oh man. That cuts you deep. Deep in sorrow & grief, deep in your feelings of self-worth, deep because it rocks you to your core.
I have gone there. I've gone deep. Deep in sorrow and in pain and grief and agony. Deep into the "what if" game and deep into the desire to change myself so I may be loved once again. Deep into regret and deep into the pits of despair.
It's in these deep cut moments that you get deep though.
Deep in the sense of you have to know where your self-worth lies and it's NOT in another person, thing, position, or what you do or don't do.
Deep in the sense that you have to be grounded in something--NOT the other person-- to make it through the depth of pain that the "first cut" causes.
Deep as in you have to know where to get healing.
And for me there is but One answer that has helped me move into this place of healing and being free from regret and sorrow and despair, etc.
It's going to sound cliché but my answer is and always will be: Jesus.
No, I'm not completely healed and I haven't got the market cornered on deep cuts; I'm not completely free from moments of sorrow or grief or of playing the "what if" game-- BUT by His grace and His help and by locking eyes with Him each day, Jesus shows me a better path and a better way.
It's a fight to keep my eyes locked on Him. But as I have, He has reminded me that my worth is in Him and not in being a mom or wife or pastor's wife or leading worship or a Bible study or in any other sort of role that I have played.
He has told me that I am rooted and grounded in Him and in His love and His love is a Holy love. It's completely set apart and wonderful and exquisite!
And He has brought me healing and continues to heal me even now; He gently reminds me that I am not going to be instantly healed from this "first cut" (because it is truly the deepest I've ever experienced) BUT that His healing and His love go deeper than I can fathom.
Thank you, Father, for this truth!!!
Sheryl Crow sang it, but it was written by a gal named Cat Stevens. I used to hear this song on the radio a lot. It was released the year before I got married. I'm sure Ms. Crow and Ms. Stevens had both been through this sort of "cut" which is why they could write and sing about it.
For me, I didn't think much about the lyrics at the time. I mean, who really wants to think about being "cut" and even moreso, who wants to be cut "the deepest?" Umm. No one.
But I really enjoyed the beat and melody and the rhythm and rhyme to the song so I would belt it out when it came on in my car.
I knew nothing about what they were singing. Maybe I thought I did because I had dated some really wonderful guys but I was selfish and self-absorbed and that didn't make for good relationships.
God has been faithful and good to me and has taught my heart some important lessons through the years and now I can say with great clarity and conviction that this song resonates with me.
So, I guess this is what my first "snippet" entry is about. That first cut. And what happens when you want to "try to love again" and that's not what the other person desires? Oh man. That cuts you deep. Deep in sorrow & grief, deep in your feelings of self-worth, deep because it rocks you to your core.
I have gone there. I've gone deep. Deep in sorrow and in pain and grief and agony. Deep into the "what if" game and deep into the desire to change myself so I may be loved once again. Deep into regret and deep into the pits of despair.
It's in these deep cut moments that you get deep though.
Deep in the sense of you have to know where your self-worth lies and it's NOT in another person, thing, position, or what you do or don't do.
Deep in the sense that you have to be grounded in something--NOT the other person-- to make it through the depth of pain that the "first cut" causes.
Deep as in you have to know where to get healing.
And for me there is but One answer that has helped me move into this place of healing and being free from regret and sorrow and despair, etc.
It's going to sound cliché but my answer is and always will be: Jesus.
No, I'm not completely healed and I haven't got the market cornered on deep cuts; I'm not completely free from moments of sorrow or grief or of playing the "what if" game-- BUT by His grace and His help and by locking eyes with Him each day, Jesus shows me a better path and a better way.
It's a fight to keep my eyes locked on Him. But as I have, He has reminded me that my worth is in Him and not in being a mom or wife or pastor's wife or leading worship or a Bible study or in any other sort of role that I have played.
He has told me that I am rooted and grounded in Him and in His love and His love is a Holy love. It's completely set apart and wonderful and exquisite!
And He has brought me healing and continues to heal me even now; He gently reminds me that I am not going to be instantly healed from this "first cut" (because it is truly the deepest I've ever experienced) BUT that His healing and His love go deeper than I can fathom.
Thank you, Father, for this truth!!!
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